KISS Me Again the Way You Use To

2010 is two months away but you’d never know it by listening to Kiss’s latest studio album Sonic Boom. “The hottest band in the land’s” first new release in 11 years transports Kiss fans back to their parent’s basement circa 1977. They will think they have just popped in one of their old Kiss 8-tracks like Dressed to Kill or Love Gun as they get high off Funions, Hostess Sno Balls and Mountain Dew while preparing the game board for their latest session of Dungeons and Dragons.

            After leaving Kiss fans with a bad taste in their mouth from 1998’s disappointing Psycho Circus, Sonic Boom is touted as a return to the classic Kiss rock-n-roll of old by founding members Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. And they’re right. By using the same old formula they invented 30 years ago of face-melting guitar solos, rhythmic and chant inducing choruses, and lyrics laced with not-so-subtle sexual innuendo, Kiss has returned to their roots.

             Sonic Boom starts off fast and hard and never lets up. From the first time Paul Stanley’s belts out his screeching vocals on “Modern Day Delilah,” the first single released off Boom, Kiss fans will know the good old days are back. His chest hair may be a little greyer, but Stanley’s voice hasn’t changed a bit or weakened with age. The lead guitar sounds better than ever thanks to former Star Child Ace Frehley’s replacement Tommy Thayer as Eric Singer wails away on the endless drums that have surrounded every Kiss drummer since the days of Peter Criss.

            The notoriously controlling senior Kiss members rhythm guitarist Stanley and bassist Simmons even manage to let Thayer have a shot at lead vocals on “All for the Glory.” On “Glory,” the band says what everyone already knows -- that Kiss is basically in music for the fame and adulation.

            Kiss has made no allusions about having always existed for few other purposes than that of getting girls and getting rich and this song comes off as an ode to themselves. Lyrics like, “We’re all for one and we’re all for the glory/When it’s all said and done, they’re gonna know the story/Cause wall for one and we’re all for the glory/Glory now,” only reinforces the egomaniacal persona of Kiss as publicity hounds.

            In the tradition of the Kiss classic “God Gave Rock and Roll to You II,” “Stand” is the commercial sounding anthem Kiss seems to include on each album. It’s catchy but it still comes off as a tad bit cheesy. The chorus, “Stand by my side – I’ll be next to you/Stand by my side and we’ll make it through/ I’m next to you,” gets the toes tapping and can hang around in your head for a few hours but doesn’t offer much in the way of deep meaning.

            Simmons takes over the vocals on “Hot and Cold.” In the typical alpha male persona of the star of A&E’s reality program Family Jewels, Simmons sings, “If it’s too hot, you’re too cold/if it’s too loud your too old.” Simmons is on his way to replacing Dick Clark as the world’s oldest teenager with the creed of fast women, loud music and good times.

            Lately Kiss has been known more for their licensing prowess and marketing strategies rather than their musical chops and song writing capabilities. Kiss continues to plug their line of official Kiss products like the Kiss Koffin and the always-popular Kiss Kondoms. Sonic Boom is no different than these other moneymaking gimmicks.

            Kiss is now partners with Wal-Mart and Sonic Boom is available for purchase only at the retail giant. For 12 bucks, buyers get the Sonic Boom CD, a DVD concert of the band performing in Buenos Aires, and a separate disc of re-recorded Kiss greatest hits which includes classics like “Rock and Roll All Nite” and “Detroit Rock City.” For newcomers thinking about enlisting in the Kiss Army, Sonic Boom offers most of the good, old Kiss to get acquainted with the band’s past (there’s plenty of bad, old Kiss to avoid) plus the new stuff to get them up to speed. The amount of content offered for that price is well worth the investment.

            If a music fan hasn’t latched onto the music of Kiss by now, Sonic Boom probably won’t do the trick either. The make-up hasn’t changed for over three decades and neither has the music. While Sonic Boom offers nothing new or groundbreaking, it just may prove to be the way long time fans of the band like to be Kiss-ed.

Eating Mediocrely in My Neighborhood

Nowadays everything that was once old is new again, or at least attempts to be. For every time you walk into a crap-on-the-wall restaurant (Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday, T.G.I.Friday’s – take a look on around, there’s a bunch of crap on the wall), chances are you’ll be looking at a completely different menu you than the one you last held in your hand. Each time the menu says in bold letters “ALL NEW ITEM,” but it all usually ends up tasting just like the last meal you had there. Such was my most recent experience at franchise restaurant Applebee’s.

            Upon entering the Applebee’s in the Staten Island Mall, my initially thought was that this could be any Applebee’s in the country. I’ve been to many of these establishments in my time and from furniture to food to staff, they’re all interchangeable.

            So I took my seat behind a large, white carousel-horse that blocked my view of game 3 of the World Series, and ordered. First came the beverage in a large plastic Pepsi-Cola cup and I realized no one really needs a bottomless, 32 ounce cup of Diet Pepsi.

            Next came an order of mild Buffalo wings and onion rings. The wings were large, meaty and had just enough zesty sauce on them to turn my fingernails a wonderful shade of orange.

            For the main course I had the “ALL NEW” Steakhouse Burger with A.1. Steak Sauce. Topped with peppercorns, fried onion strings, Jack cheese, mayo, lettuce and tomato, the 1,200-calorie Steakhouse Burger has so much to it, all of the flavors get lost and the sandwich turns into an overly peppered cheeseburger. 

MMA All Around

The very first MMA World Expo was held at the Jacob Javits Center last weekend. Is it the last or is it the first of many more to come?

How big can the sport of MMA get?

Rollin' Along

Gotham Girls Roller Derby was quite an experience. Not one I'd highly recommend though I think. It seemed very cliquey and you get the feeling that if you're not in the know, you probably shouldn't be there.

But I did ask myself who are these girls exactly? I mean her name isn't really Eva Licious, is it? They want to portray that this is a sport (it's really just a game though) and that they should be taken seriously. However their on-rink personas and nomenclatures are less realistic than professional wrestling.

It's and enigma wrapped in a conundrum laced up in roller skates.